Jus Sayin' #4

"...thou shalt not get caught".

One of the most annoying questions in this world, "why do men cheat?"

That's like asking me "Why is the sky blue?"....or "why does the sun shine?"

The truth is, nobody knows. Not even the cheaters themselves. They may bring up excuses like "my girlfriend/wife cant cook", or "she's not good in bed"...or "it was a mistake, she seduced me....". While all these may be true, the bottomline is, whether or not bae can cook, or is good in bed, you would still cheat. The amazing thing about our generation is, nobody judges you anymore for cheating, they now judge you for getting caught.
I pride in the fact that I have never cheated on any girl in my life. The NULEs (Nigerian Union of Layinka's Exes) can testify to that.
The truth is, it is only the man that gets caught that can be called a thief.


Consequently, the more appropriate question to ask is....."Why do men get caught?"

See ehn, it takes the spirit of God dwelling in a man, for him to remain completely faithful to one woman....(did somebody say "preach!"?), it takes common sense however, to remain faithful to bae...(did you catch the rhema???  No?...lemme say it again....)

It takes the spirit of God dwelling in a man, for him to remain completely FAITHFUL TO ONE WOMAN...whereas, it takes common sense, to remain FAITHFUL TO BAE...

Lemme explain, when you're faithful to one woman, every other woman knows you're faithful to your woman....when you're faithful to bae, only the bae(s) are in that school of thought.

That said, it is a sin, to get caught. It surprises me when guys get caught red-handed, that they start asking for forgiveness, and second chance. Please understand that when boo begs for a second chance, he doesn't mean he won't cheat anymore, what he means is that he'd be more careful.




















Here's the thing....

The first problem is basic.

Most guys go into a relationship when they're not ready for commitment. For some other guys, the “yes” came too early. I mean, it has happened to me, more than once, that when i sensed that the girl I was chasing was about to say yes, i ran, and the bushmeat became the hunter.

Why not just stay single, like me? So you don’t have to worry about breaking anyone’s heart...

Someone told me, that the meaning of BAE is Before Anyone Else.....*chuckles*, if i hear.

So brethren, here’s why you’ll get caught:

 You have more than one bae

Big mistake! After making one girl bae, you now start to work towards getting another bae. Some guys have a different bae for every city, or geographical location.

The higher the number of baes, the higher the chances of getting caught. Its difficult, logically or otherwise, for more than one girl to be “before anyone else”. And that, my friends, was the concept behind the “side-chick”app (Shout out to king Solomon).

The idea behind the app, is that, there is just one bae, whoever comes after, is a side-chic. Hence, if your boo who used to refer to you as the “only one”suddenly starts calling you the “first-lady”, somebody just got an upgrade, and that person isn’t you.

Side-chic thinks she is, (or suddenly wants to be) the main chic

The side-chic app became so popular at some point, it began to cast. Why? Because guys weren’t using it appropriately. 
If you have two baes, and one of them doesn’t know you have another girlfriend, both of them are side-chics, depending on the one you’re sleeping with tonight. In other words, if you’re dating Rihanna and Beyonce, when you’re with Beyonce, Rihanna is the side-chic, and vice versa. 
But that‘s not how the app is supposed to work. 
The app is such that by the time Rihanna starts to fall for you, she’s aware that you’re dating Beyonce, and she doesn’t mind. That way, it’ll take the witches in your village to intervene in your life, for Beyonce to smell a rat. Cause Rihanna knows when, and when not to call you, she knows when to send the nude pictures (kini??? Oya deny it, rubbish!), she knows how to sound like customer care agent, when bae picks your call....feel me? 
Bottomline, a side-chic  knows her place, and she’s content with it. 
God help you however, when she begins to “want more”. 

      

  When bae starts suspecting you, bae will catch you

If there’s anything you should learn today, it’s how to avoid telling lies, especially if you’re not intelligent enough to remember those lies. The more lies you tell, the higher the risk. The truth is, you don’t have to lie. First off, bae should know your side chic(s). Trust me, that shiii helps. Spare her the details, however. So when questions like “who’s christina?” pops up out of the blues, answers like “ah, that’s the chic that was with her boyfriend in the mall na....”aren’t far fetched.

Cuz the moment she starts to suspect you, you’re as good as busted.

So when you start feeling like she doesn’t trust you 100%, break up with the side-chic, cuz SHE WILL CATCH YOU, it’s only a matter of time.

See, i know a guy that got nabbed, because the main chic was suspicious of his female cousin. In other words, the girl bae suspected was actually his cousin, but in the process of finding out, she stumbled on the actual side-chic. Lobatan

By the way, you need a wingman. An intelligent and loyal wingman. They always come in handy.


Do regular clean-up

Start forming this habit of going through your own phone. For your own good. Delete, or encrypt (lol), any brow-raising pictures or texts. Lemme say for the record, that if you encrypt anything on your phone, bae will decrypt it, trust me.

And please, stop locking your phones with passwords. That’s usually where the suspicion starts. If you must lock your phone, make sure bae knows the password, and let the password be bae’s middle name.

If you get caught, ask for forgiveness, not a second chance (chances are, if you did it once, you’ll do it again)

This last one is for guys like me. If i ever catch a girl cheating on me, that’s the end. It’ll be impossible to trust her ever again. Now it’s hypocritical for me to be asking for a second chance, when i know that if the tables were turned, i wouldn’t give it.

Id like to say finally, that if you aren’t ready to be faithful to one woman, don’t go into a relationship.

Cuz, if you cheat on her, for whatever reason, then you dont love her, and if you don’t love her, you don’t deserve her.

And for those of you that are already stuck in a serious relationship, If you don’t love your bae enough to remain faithful to her, you should at least respect her enough to keep it away from her, you owe her that much.
Eh, ehn, lest i forget, please, before you self-righteous brothers and sisters in the Lord start to judge me, women cheat too. I’ll be talking about that in the next post, stay glued.

Disclaimer:

Everything i say, is based on my observations and personal experiences. im subject to correction. I dont know everything, so if you try my moves and they backfire, well, dont blame me.

....just sayin’

-Layinka_ hovaflow (Son of a pastor)

    P.S:

   B-Neptune, if you're reading this, get yourself an attorney for remixing my disclaimer without permission...*straightface*