I’ve heard people say (and they’re very right), that single people give the best relationship advice.

If you’re in that school of thought, then it wont be hard to believe that you, ladies, are about to get the best relationship advice of your lives, from a niggy who’s single to stupor. Lol

First advice, grab a drink and popcorn, or chin chin or something....

Often times, ladies have lamented to me, asking the million dollar question, in these exact words... “what exactly do you guys want gan sef????”

You cannot possibly state what all guys want, but if you’re a smart chic, and you follow me dilligently, you would do either of these two things, by the time you’re through with this gist:

1.       Keep your boo on permanent lockdown

2.       Let the niggy go, finally

Let’s start from scratch...

If you paid attention in social studies class (that’s if you went to a dope primary school like mine), you would recall, that a human being needs three basic things:

1.       Food

2.       Shelter

3.       Clothing, shay?

In junior secondary school, they added a few things...

4.       Comfort

5.       Sense of belonging, abi?

Now, let’s be specific...

The anatomy of every normal man craves four basic things... Chill, lemme say it in english:

Every man will be happy where these four things are present:

1.       Food

2.       Sex (or the promise/hope of sex, someday)

3.       Money

4.       Right of ownership (in other words, we want you to be giving it to just us, we don’t like competition)

But we can get these things anywhere na, shay? That’s why a niggy will have a girl that’s cooking for him, giving him her body constantly (I’m trying to sound professional, e no fit me), even giving him money...and still be chasing one olosho up and down....and when we get caught, the y'all will be like...."what did you ever want that I didn't give you?"

Okay, so what’s our problem?

Our problem, is you ma, yes..YOU!

What have you done?

Nothing!!!

And that’s my point right there.

I’m confusing you abi? Sorry, how can I explain this ooooo *scratches head*

Okay, a man is like a company.

Note, I didn’t say a “guy”....I said a “man”

So If you’re out there and your boyfriend is still a guy, this won’t help you, I promise.

A man is someone with a vision, someone that at least, knows what he wants....he may not know how to get it, but he knows what it is....

Guys don’t even know what they want, and you think you can give it to us? Lol. I laugh in spanish...

As i was saying jare..what was I saying sef?

Okay, yeah...so a MAN, is like a company... The owner of that company, is the largest shareholder.

Many chics feel like the niggy is supposed to own them, that's true, but you're supposed to own him too. As long as you're the major shareholder in a man's life, he ain't going nowhere.

How therefore, do you own a man? 

Lemme state first, that if you and your boyfriend have conflicting visions, the earlier you end that relationship, the better....(how una take begin date in the first place sef?)

A man's hustle is his pride, it's his identity, it's what nobody can take away from him, it's his fire...so what a man values the most (even above his bae), is his hustle. Therefore, the only way you can compete with his hustle, is to motivate it. The only way you can compete with his fire, is to be the fuel to that fire.

Have you ever wondered why Luscious Lyon (Empire) was so hung up on Cookie, or why Ghost's wife (in Power), what's that her name again....was so particular about his business? That's your answer.

If your boyfriend is doing rap music, and you hate rap music, just break up with him already. 
If he intends to be a star, and you don't like the spotlight, lol...you're the reason he may never blow. 
If he's a footballer, you should be his primary agent.
If he's a robber, you should be his accomplice, and alibi...
In other words, every Bonnie in a man, needs a Clyde (I'm not sure if i got the order correctly, but you sha get my point)



It'll get to a point, you'd be the nucleus of his whole essence. At that very point, you become the most important entity in his life...and no matter how many fights you get in, the niggy will of necessity come back to you, cuz he's more or less dead, or significantly incomplete without you.



This reminds me of when people use the term "significant other"to refer to your boo, or bae. Most of the time, we're your significant other, but you ain't ours...
A man never gets bored of talking about his dreams, his hustle (we're selfish like that)...imagine you were right at the centre of his dreams, isn't that the life?


If you can't be the Cookie to your boyfriend's Luscious, that is, if you can't be the reason he becomes successful, the least you can do, is to be the Beyonce to his Jay z, or the Kim to his Kanye, that is, have your own hustle, and support his, whenever, and however you can...and this is where Ify's points (in part 1. If you haven't read it, you should) come in...





Another thing, and this one is a bonus, is that every guy has an ego. If you didn't know, know now, that that ego we have, is our strongest weak point. Ladies that know this, are usually very good at keeping their man, or even snatching other ladies'men (ask Cleo Patra).
Every guy wants to feel strong, in charge, and in control. What a smart lady would do, is to give the man an illusion of being in control, whereas, she's the one really running things...
This is where I'm headed...If you can't be in the centre of your man's hustle, make him feel like he's the best at what he does, even if he's not that good at it. This will require you to pay some amount of attention to what he does, so you can surprise him by stating a few details of his job, or skill. Lemme tell you a quick story...

I have a friend, we're not that close, but we play around with music together. Now his dream is to be a superstar rapper (I personally don't see that shiii coming thru, just sayin'), but as a fellow rapper in the hustle, you don't tell your niggy he's whack na,  lol. He however has one thing which I don't...a girlfriend. The girl obviously liked him a lot. Now whenever we were in the studio, and we wrote a few bars, my verse would kill his, with very little effort. In fact, if we were seven on a song, his verse would be the weakest. But by the time the song would come out, he would be one hyping the song up and down. I didn't understand his enthusiasm until one day, when his chic was in the studio with us and the producer played the song. When the song got to his verse, you needed to see the way his girlfriend was delivering her boyfriend's lyrics!!! If we hadn't been around when he was writing the verse, I could have sworn she wrote it for him! At that moment, it seemed like his verse was the dopest on the song, cuz he obviously had a die hard fan, and we didn't...

I can say this with a 100% confidence, that nigga isn't leaving that chic anytime soon, cuz he's happy, like that kid in pampers' advert.

Now, recall when i said earlier that our problem is you guys? and some of you asked me "what have we done?"


Lemme be the one to ask this time....What have you done????

ladies, I know many of us basically want our men to be the Jesus Christ to us here on earth,and trust me by having this mindset you are bombarding the poor male human with loads of responsibilities. You might not know you are doing these things:
1) Expecting him to always know when you are angry even without telling him.
2) Expecting him to be your personal bank account just because he is bae.
3) Expecting him to be your father,brother and bestfriend and yes BOO.
4) Expecting him to always pick your calls and not even ignore one.
4) Expecting him to always call at least three times daily, Morning, Afternoon,Night.
5) Expecting him to be a mad ass romantic even when you don't do anything close to romance for him.
6) Expecting him to not have other female friends or even mistakenly stare at one *p.s niggy ain't blind, eyes are for seeing*
7) Expecting him to be a good man and a bad boy.
8) Expecting him to always impress your friends so you will be told you are a lucky gal.
9) Expecting him to always displease himself to please you.
10) Expecting him to be a kunfu panda on the bed, I mean baba has to know the whole kamasutra styles.
11) Expecting him to be a prayer warrior, superman and all them super hero people.
12) Expecting him to be consistent in caring, understanding...mhen all we expect is CONSISTENCY.

I think I have said enough from our expectations, I'm not trying to say I'm not guilty of all these things myself but I have realized in a way we are not been fair to the male species, I mean they are also human. Okay for y'all that have boos,have you taken a time out to just ask him if he is broke or if he had issues with his boss at work or if he even had a bad day. I guess most of us don't do this, we just expect so much from them that we forget that being in a relationship is like being in partnership. It's not only about you, it's about both of you, once you realize this ,you both will have a more understanding relationship except the universe doesn't agree with you two been together.

So I am going to list out somethings you ''should'' try...remember I said ''should'' not ''must''...it might be pleasing to you or not but at least try first, so lets go:
1) Try to complain less about his bad sides, no one is perfect not even him.
2) Try to understand that he is also human, he can't be all that consistent no matter how much he tries.
3) Try to call often too, by the way he asked you to be in the relationship with him, he didn't say he was going to be alone in it.
4) Try to surprise him by doing things he was supposed to do, take him out, pay for his fueling, send him call card, cook for him, surprise him with gifts when he has a bad day.

  
5) Try to pray for him more often, what we don't understand is unless you don't wanna end up with that person standing another human being takes more than i love you, it takes grace, always ask God to give you the wisdom to understand who you are with.

5) Try to communicate more with him, once you realize he is slacking and its getting you angry or sad never hesitate to tell him, he is also human and does not have super powers to predict your mood, for example i watched a movie where a woman was angry with her husband because the sex wasn't as good as before, trust me the guy had no idea what he was doing wrong but he knew his wife changed, until she opened her mouth and communicated he never knew the problem was sex and guess what he worked on making the sex better.
6) Know that he also gets emotional and that your actions and silent treatments gets to him, he's a man he might not say it but they do, ask him if he's sad, if he's angry, if there's something you both should do to make the relationship more exciting.
7) Immediately you get bored don't back out, try new things that you have never tried in the relationship, plan a secret dinner for him, buy football tickets for him or his favorite sports ish, play the ps game with him, gist about other girls with him and how you see him look at them.
8) Let the relationship be about both of you and not you, him, and your friends, guys sincerely hate when they hear their relationship issues outside they prefer it's just between you both by the way it's you he is dating.
9) Try to be less paranoid,paranoia has ruined lots of  relationships, when it's all in your head that he is cheating or getting tired of the relationship.
11) Understand that he is a guy and trust me they are not as good as we females in relationships, put him through every step, sometimes they don't understand why we act the way we do, sister when you are on your period and you are not in the mood and get cranky tell him.
12) The way you want him to be your father, brother, best friend and BOO, be his mother, sister, best friend and BAE.
13) Remember that the relationship is about BOTH of you and not only you.
14) Stop nagging, major turn off for guys.
15) Chat different, your chat and calls must not always be the way it has been the regular, ''how are you?'', ''hope you have eaten?'' call and chat different.
16) Compliment him,you know the same way you like him telling you you are pretty, reciprocate the act...it helps his ego.
  

And know that this post is only for people in serious relationships and not those who are there to leave when they are tired. So ladies,I hope this made sense enough,if it didn't I'd like to hear your suggestions in the comment box.

So recently one chic and I decided to play the game all of us (including you) play when we're in the mood to do rubbish...*rolls eyes* - truth or dare.

She asked me, "what part of a woman attracts you the most?", and probably because of the atmosphere at the time, I gave a really shallow answer... - "boobs".

It wasn't until later that i realized I'd lied. Don't get me wrong, I think boobs are awesome, but a girl's brain is what turns me to mumu, literally.
For one, the five shortest relationships I've had were all with busty girls. The shortest lasted about a week. lol. In fact, the most serious relationship I've been involved in, was with a chic that wasn't anything close to busty (she had boobs o, eh ehn, but it's not the kind of boobs that would make you want to be born again #punIntended).

Now, I remember I started to really get fond of her because we could talk about absolutely anything. We conversed on a hurricane katrina level of flow. She got my punchlines, even when i wasn't aware i had dropped one. Our convo would go like:
Her - "Yinka, you're a pain in the ass, I wonder why I love you sef"
Me - "It's cuz you're a perv na"
Her - "Oyaaaaaaaaaaa....Punchline!!!!"

Now it'll take some of you (even guys), at least five minutes (for some of you, a few weeks. lol) of brainstorming to get that cypher, and that, my people, is why I'd fall for her type. If we were still together, we'd have probably analyzed Donald Trump's destiny finish, but we ain't, that's why I'm talking to you guys instead *sobs*.

After careful observation, it occurred to me that everyone of us need the same thing in a relationship.- Someone to talk to, without getting bored. A partner with at least, the same level of I.Q. Someone that gets your jokes instantly, without having to explain it to them. Someone that can fake being your sister (or brother), with ease. Someone who's just as smart, or dumb as you are.

It takes too much effort for a Leonard - Penny relationship to work in real life, ask Sheldon Cooper.
(If you're a girl, and you enjoy The Big Bang Theory, call me...I want to build a home with you).

Oya back to the matter *in wizzy's voice*.....

Most relationships begin to have issues when one, or both parties start to feel like they're wasting time with the other person.
Recall when you guys just started dating, and the Initial Gra Gra was still strong? 5 hours would fly by, and you'd be wondering "ah, but I just got here 5 minutes ago!"
Now, after a few months, or years, you'd rather watch Arsenal's match, than stay home with her...or you'd rather gossip with your friends, than hang out with him...cuz his wahala is too much. lol

It's normal, because we all make similar mistakes. I see a chic, she has really nice lips, so I think I'd never get tired of kissing her, and because of that, I start asking her out.
You see a dude, he's tall, dark and handsome, probably has a ride, and he makes you laugh, sometimes...so because he likes you too, you're thinking you should give it a shot....odeh ni eh....sorry, we're both odehs.

Now, unless you're just looking to have fun, while away time or get over an ex, you need to look beyond what you see.

In those days, when you ask a chic what she wants in a man, the first thing she'll say is "God-fearing". Lol. Even satan is God-fearing na

Anyways, patience is key. The guy you're likely to last really long with, is not the guy that had to beg you to date him. In fact, the longer he was able to hold off, after confirming the chemistry between you two, the longer your relationship is likely to last.

A long lasting relationship therefore has two basic symbiotic components. Communication, and maturity. One is more or less useless without the other.
I want to be able to talk to you, nonstop, about anything and everything, even your flaws, without getting into a fight and vice versa.
We need to get to this level BEFORE we get into a relationship. In fact, this is supposed to be the indication that we're compatible.
The mistake we make is, we think a relationship is for "getting to know each other better"....Nahhh, a relationship is meant for people who already know each other well enough to take their friendship to the next level.
So if you see her, you like her, she'd know, even by the way you treat her, therefore, instead of asking her out almost immediately, get comfortable with her, in her comfort zone, see her flaws, and see if you can handle it...allow her to see yours, and see if she can handle it.
If you complement each other, and ultimately make each other better, then you can go for it.

It's a pity however, that most of you girls get to a certain comfortable level with a guy, only to friendzone him, all in the name of "we're too close, I don't want to lose our friendship...". So another nigga is boo, and that one does all the smashing, while your Mr. Right does all the listening, loving and encouraging, from the zone...crazy shiii.

Now I'm an advocate of friendship with benefits (please don't tell my dad). This is because, like I stated earlier, most times we get into relationships for the wrong reasons...friendship with benefits would help in that department. For example, let's assume I eventually approached my pink-lipped crush, we become friends, and then one day, we made out. If we continue making out, and a time comes when I begin to miss her for other reasons other than just the make-out sessions, then maybe, just maybe we have a shot.


Shay you get my point?

The idea behind my opinion is, let everybody be single. Let every single guy, have an equal chance to marry every single girl, until either of them is off the market.
The whole "I like you, but I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" thing is caging, and limits our full potential.

Plus, wouldn't it be an amazing thing to have a wife/husband, with no exes?

I'm just sayin'.....








- 'Layinka

I came to rant today, yes oh…proper rant. I was leaving work today and the following conversation ensued between my colleague and I:
Mr A: Ada where are you rushing to?
Me: Oh….to the bank
Mr A: then after that?
Me: *with a weird look* my house
Mr A: he says okay and walks away
30 seconds later, he starts to shout my name and I stop and he says;
Mr A: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: yes I do….he’s in heaven looking over me
Mr A: You are wasting your life away(his exact words), you should go find one and stop fronting for all these ones toasting you……
Wawu was all I could muster to say to him after the long speech was delivered (oh yes I was patient to listen to the end of it).
Words couldn’t describe how pissed I was both at him and at the set of humans that have the same perspective. Am sure a lot of single ladies have had an experience because of their chosen relationship status.
Am really pissed at the set of people that think that a woman not in a relationship  has no status or purpose in life but yet won’t agree to marry a successful woman because she’s intimidating.
Disappointed at the ones that add so much pressure to a young girl just out of university, trying to find and fulfil her purpose in life.
Disappointed at the people that see a woman working hard and try to attribute it to her probably being a runs girl.
Am not single because am rude or have an improper attitude.
Am not single because am too selective....well I am, aren't we all? Nobody wants just any kind of person.

A lot of young ladies care less about a relationship right now, not because we don’t want to enjoy the sole company of a man that we care about. But because we know how stressful it is to be in a relationship, the amount of commitment and work that goes into it.
We know the level of achievement we want before relationship comes. We strictly want to enjoy our single status. We just understand that our life needs to be sorted out to a certain extent before we let another person in

.

We are in the 21st century where people are losing their senses and some others are finding theirs, but in all everyone is realizing that happiness is the top priority for them and if being single is what will give you the satisfaction of being happy why not, go ahead.
PS: if you are in a relationship and happy, keep going, you are our inspiration. We will get to where you are soon.

From a single and satisfied Lady.

So a friend of mine had this perspective that men are in a way related to food, and trust me I looked at her like she was loco literally, but then she showed me pictures and explained, it was very funny but it made loads of sense. So i decided to share it on here with my lovely readers, trust me this is gonna make your day. Let me start by listing the food and then I'd drop the pictures......ENJOY:

NUMBER ONE:INDOMIE
NUMBER TWO:JOLLOF RICE
NUMBER THREE:SWALLOW
NUMBER FOUR:EWA AGANYIN
NUMBER FIVE:SPAGHETTI
NUMBER SIX:YAM
NUMBER SEVEN:OFADA SAUCE
NUMBER EIGHT:AKAMU
NUMBER NINE:AGEGE BREAD

NUMBER ONE



He is your quick hook-up living down the street, ready to show up when you really need to ''get down''. So how many of us ladies love ''INDOMIE'' or has ''Mr.Indomie'' in our lives.

NUMBER TWO
 


Husband material. So in love. Sometimes you fight, but it doesn't last long because you always find your way back to each other. Don't you just want ''Mr. Jollof Rice'' in your life, he is Mr.Right.

NUMBER THREE

Take home to mama. You call him for emotional support. After trying other guys, you will always go back to him at the end. This guy is ''Mr.Super Glue'', I think we ladies need ''Mr Eba''.

NUMBER FOUR

One-time fling on a night of ''ratchetness'' you never knew would be so great. You forget him, until you are desperate and remember he exists. Okay, the good side of me says this is mean but I'd just leave ''Mr.Ewa Aganyin'' to keep falling the victim.

NUMBER FIVE

Funky rich boyfriend, buys you fancy gifts and shows you off to his friends. You love the life but still crave something much more real. I think I want me some ''Mr.Spags'', crave something much more real? I think ''Mr.Spags'' is the realest.

NUMBER SIX

Older, more successful than any guy you have dated.But it can't ever get too serious because you must admit, he intimidates you a little bit. For ''Mr Yam'' I'd pass, anyone interested?

NUMBER SEVEN

Bad boy to the core, he is so hot in the sheets ''oh my gu'ness'', you usually wake up next day in pain. you know he will hurt you but you can't bring yourself to stop. NO COMMENTS.

NUMBER EIGHT
 
You'd never admit to hooking up with him, he's your durry little secret and if your friends find out you'd be so embarrassed. I don't wanna go down this lane.

NUMBER NINE

Last but not least ''Mr Agege Bread''. Not a boyfriend- He is your very best friend. Always there when you need him to comfort you, especially  during a breakup. I'd call this friendzone raised to the power of hundred, trust me all girls HAVE and love ''Mr. Agege Bread''.

So ladies which of these is your favorite food and guys what typa food are you.