Dear Adolescent Girl,

I have always felt it was impractical to expect young ladies not to date. So I will not be telling you that today.

First, because I’ll probably be wasting my saliva. Peer pressure and social norms gotten from your high school movies will make sure of that.

Second because, I believe dating is not completely without advantages. Dating can be a time to learn what you want and do not want in a permanent future relationship, before the desire to find a husband and social pressure to marry make being objective a little harder.

It could be a time to realise that not everyone is like your family. It could also be a time to figure out how to be a relevant and valuable part of a couple.

What I will be telling you today however, is that you should not be having sex. Yes, I said it! DON'T do it. The movies lied sweetie, not everyone is doing it.

With teenage sex, there are just too many pitfalls lurking around waiting for you to fall into them. First is the issue of protection. While all the movies show you the adolescent couple who decided to ‘do it’ on prom night, it ruins the moment to show the boy using a condom or to mention that the young lady is on birth control, so they don’t.

What you have is two young, deliriously happy looking people who cement their young love by having sex; music playing in the background, all their friends are jealous and the movie ends with both of them smiling into eachother’s faces.

 What you have in real life is a sixteen year old agonising over whether she should tell her parents she is pregnant or secretly get an abortion, it’s millions of young people across Africa currently on anti-retroviral drugs, its emotional damage when the story does not end with you smiling into his eyes but with rumours that he ‘did it’ with another girl. So wait.

If he does not want to wait, don’t worry. There will be another boyfriend, probably cuter and more mature.

Give yourself time because believe it or not you are still a child. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up. Seriously, it ain’t that fun.

The time will come and when it does you’ll be ready. For now, smile confidently and just say NO.

It's always good to plan your life,I mean I plan so much that if my plan doesn't work I make another. I have written down my plans countless times that I have lost track,but there's something writing it down does for me or rather to me,it keeps me in check. So anytime I think I am going off track, I grab a pen and a book and I start writing down how my life is supposed to look like in some years time and things I plan to achieve. And after I make these plans,I ask myself ''Is this what God really wants,these plans of mine are they in accordance with my his own plans for me?'' and this brings me to ''PURPOSE''.

There was something we were taught in church some Sundays back, I learned that most of us are fulfilling our ''mind purpose'' and not ''God's purpose''. Okay let me break it down, in church, we were shown a video and in this video were three different people from different works of life; an accountant, a pastor and a housewife.

On judgement day, God called the accountant and said ''Pastor Mike where are the 300,000 (three hundred thousand) souls you were supposed to bring to my kingdom?'' and the accountant was surprised and said ''I am not a pastor I am an accountant and I have helped the church to raise so many funds'' and God said ''I didn't send you to be an accountant, I sent you to be a pastor and win souls for my kingdom'' and the light went off on Mike.

Then the next up for judgement was the pastor and he came before God with all confidence that he had done a lot and God said ''Accountant Shawn, where are the ten million souls you were supposed to bring to my kingdom by helping the church with their finances?'' and Shawn replied ''Accountant Shawn? but I am a pastor and I have more than seven hundred members who come to worship you'' and God said ''I had no business with you being a pastor'' and the light went off on Shawn..

And the housewife walked up to God shivering with fear and God said ''Sister June, what did you do with the years I gave you on earth?'' and she was shivering with fear and amidst tears said '' I have been taking care of my son and raising him up in your ways and instructions'' and God said ''I am proud of you cause your son will raise thirty million souls for my kingdom,you have done well my child.'' And the light didn't go off on her. 

So many of us are fulfilling what we think pleases us and think will make us happy, what if for example God calls Innocent Idibia also known as Tuface and says ''Doctor Innocent,where are the souls you were supposed to bring to my kingdom by saving lives and those lives winning more souls.''

Have you ever wondered why someone will just wake up and from music move into writing, trust me everyone can write but not everyone is a good writer and you see that person doing better in that field than the former. It's because when you finally realise your purpose, God will equip you with all the things you need to achieve it . Why most upcoming musicians, actors, pastors and what not are still upcoming? I guess you can  answer that now. 

Immediately you realise what your purpose is,life automatically becomes easier and that which you need to achieve it are all set in place;the people, the finances, the equipment.

Purpose is broken down into six fields:

FAMILY

EDUCATION

GOVERNMENT

ENTERTAINMENT

AGRICULTURE

RELIGION

So,how it works is you realise out of these six fields, the field that is your God purpose, then when you achieve that which God wants,all the other fields will be easier for you to go into, lets look at Pastor Adeboye for example he found his purpose which is in the Religious field and now he is one of the most influential pastors,now by fulfilling his main purpose God then made it easier for him  to go into the Educational field and we can't deny that he also has a say in the Governance of the country. Now that's what happens when you fulfil that which you were sent for.

Let us not mix up talent and purpose, both  are good but one is there to help the other.

Ask yourself these questions:

1) What was I sent here for?

2) Why is God still keeping me alive?

3) What is my purpose here on earth?

4) Is my talent in accordance with my purpose?

Share and comment your thoughts.

I’ve heard people say (and they’re very right), that single people give the best relationship advice.

If you’re in that school of thought, then it wont be hard to believe that you, ladies, are about to get the best relationship advice of your lives, from a niggy who’s single to stupor. Lol

First advice, grab a drink and popcorn, or chin chin or something....

Often times, ladies have lamented to me, asking the million dollar question, in these exact words... “what exactly do you guys want gan sef????”

You cannot possibly state what all guys want, but if you’re a smart chic, and you follow me dilligently, you would do either of these two things, by the time you’re through with this gist:

1.       Keep your boo on permanent lockdown

2.       Let the niggy go, finally

Let’s start from scratch...

If you paid attention in social studies class (that’s if you went to a dope primary school like mine), you would recall, that a human being needs three basic things:

1.       Food

2.       Shelter

3.       Clothing, shay?

In junior secondary school, they added a few things...

4.       Comfort

5.       Sense of belonging, abi?

Now, let’s be specific...

The anatomy of every normal man craves four basic things... Chill, lemme say it in english:

Every man will be happy where these four things are present:

1.       Food

2.       Sex (or the promise/hope of sex, someday)

3.       Money

4.       Right of ownership (in other words, we want you to be giving it to just us, we don’t like competition)

But we can get these things anywhere na, shay? That’s why a niggy will have a girl that’s cooking for him, giving him her body constantly (I’m trying to sound professional, e no fit me), even giving him money...and still be chasing one olosho up and down....and when we get caught, the y'all will be like...."what did you ever want that I didn't give you?"

Okay, so what’s our problem?

Our problem, is you ma, yes..YOU!

What have you done?

Nothing!!!

And that’s my point right there.

I’m confusing you abi? Sorry, how can I explain this ooooo *scratches head*

Okay, a man is like a company.

Note, I didn’t say a “guy”....I said a “man”

So If you’re out there and your boyfriend is still a guy, this won’t help you, I promise.

A man is someone with a vision, someone that at least, knows what he wants....he may not know how to get it, but he knows what it is....

Guys don’t even know what they want, and you think you can give it to us? Lol. I laugh in spanish...

As i was saying jare..what was I saying sef?

Okay, yeah...so a MAN, is like a company... The owner of that company, is the largest shareholder.

Many chics feel like the niggy is supposed to own them, that's true, but you're supposed to own him too. As long as you're the major shareholder in a man's life, he ain't going nowhere.

How therefore, do you own a man? 

Lemme state first, that if you and your boyfriend have conflicting visions, the earlier you end that relationship, the better....(how una take begin date in the first place sef?)

A man's hustle is his pride, it's his identity, it's what nobody can take away from him, it's his fire...so what a man values the most (even above his bae), is his hustle. Therefore, the only way you can compete with his hustle, is to motivate it. The only way you can compete with his fire, is to be the fuel to that fire.

Have you ever wondered why Luscious Lyon (Empire) was so hung up on Cookie, or why Ghost's wife (in Power), what's that her name again....was so particular about his business? That's your answer.

If your boyfriend is doing rap music, and you hate rap music, just break up with him already. 
If he intends to be a star, and you don't like the spotlight, lol...you're the reason he may never blow. 
If he's a footballer, you should be his primary agent.
If he's a robber, you should be his accomplice, and alibi...
In other words, every Bonnie in a man, needs a Clyde (I'm not sure if i got the order correctly, but you sha get my point)



It'll get to a point, you'd be the nucleus of his whole essence. At that very point, you become the most important entity in his life...and no matter how many fights you get in, the niggy will of necessity come back to you, cuz he's more or less dead, or significantly incomplete without you.



This reminds me of when people use the term "significant other"to refer to your boo, or bae. Most of the time, we're your significant other, but you ain't ours...
A man never gets bored of talking about his dreams, his hustle (we're selfish like that)...imagine you were right at the centre of his dreams, isn't that the life?


If you can't be the Cookie to your boyfriend's Luscious, that is, if you can't be the reason he becomes successful, the least you can do, is to be the Beyonce to his Jay z, or the Kim to his Kanye, that is, have your own hustle, and support his, whenever, and however you can...and this is where Ify's points (in part 1. If you haven't read it, you should) come in...





Another thing, and this one is a bonus, is that every guy has an ego. If you didn't know, know now, that that ego we have, is our strongest weak point. Ladies that know this, are usually very good at keeping their man, or even snatching other ladies'men (ask Cleo Patra).
Every guy wants to feel strong, in charge, and in control. What a smart lady would do, is to give the man an illusion of being in control, whereas, she's the one really running things...
This is where I'm headed...If you can't be in the centre of your man's hustle, make him feel like he's the best at what he does, even if he's not that good at it. This will require you to pay some amount of attention to what he does, so you can surprise him by stating a few details of his job, or skill. Lemme tell you a quick story...

I have a friend, we're not that close, but we play around with music together. Now his dream is to be a superstar rapper (I personally don't see that shiii coming thru, just sayin'), but as a fellow rapper in the hustle, you don't tell your niggy he's whack na,  lol. He however has one thing which I don't...a girlfriend. The girl obviously liked him a lot. Now whenever we were in the studio, and we wrote a few bars, my verse would kill his, with very little effort. In fact, if we were seven on a song, his verse would be the weakest. But by the time the song would come out, he would be one hyping the song up and down. I didn't understand his enthusiasm until one day, when his chic was in the studio with us and the producer played the song. When the song got to his verse, you needed to see the way his girlfriend was delivering her boyfriend's lyrics!!! If we hadn't been around when he was writing the verse, I could have sworn she wrote it for him! At that moment, it seemed like his verse was the dopest on the song, cuz he obviously had a die hard fan, and we didn't...

I can say this with a 100% confidence, that nigga isn't leaving that chic anytime soon, cuz he's happy, like that kid in pampers' advert.

Now, recall when i said earlier that our problem is you guys? and some of you asked me "what have we done?"


Lemme be the one to ask this time....What have you done????

ladies, I know many of us basically want our men to be the Jesus Christ to us here on earth,and trust me by having this mindset you are bombarding the poor male human with loads of responsibilities. You might not know you are doing these things:
1) Expecting him to always know when you are angry even without telling him.
2) Expecting him to be your personal bank account just because he is bae.
3) Expecting him to be your father,brother and bestfriend and yes BOO.
4) Expecting him to always pick your calls and not even ignore one.
4) Expecting him to always call at least three times daily, Morning, Afternoon,Night.
5) Expecting him to be a mad ass romantic even when you don't do anything close to romance for him.
6) Expecting him to not have other female friends or even mistakenly stare at one *p.s niggy ain't blind, eyes are for seeing*
7) Expecting him to be a good man and a bad boy.
8) Expecting him to always impress your friends so you will be told you are a lucky gal.
9) Expecting him to always displease himself to please you.
10) Expecting him to be a kunfu panda on the bed, I mean baba has to know the whole kamasutra styles.
11) Expecting him to be a prayer warrior, superman and all them super hero people.
12) Expecting him to be consistent in caring, understanding...mhen all we expect is CONSISTENCY.

I think I have said enough from our expectations, I'm not trying to say I'm not guilty of all these things myself but I have realized in a way we are not been fair to the male species, I mean they are also human. Okay for y'all that have boos,have you taken a time out to just ask him if he is broke or if he had issues with his boss at work or if he even had a bad day. I guess most of us don't do this, we just expect so much from them that we forget that being in a relationship is like being in partnership. It's not only about you, it's about both of you, once you realize this ,you both will have a more understanding relationship except the universe doesn't agree with you two been together.

So I am going to list out somethings you ''should'' try...remember I said ''should'' not ''must''...it might be pleasing to you or not but at least try first, so lets go:
1) Try to complain less about his bad sides, no one is perfect not even him.
2) Try to understand that he is also human, he can't be all that consistent no matter how much he tries.
3) Try to call often too, by the way he asked you to be in the relationship with him, he didn't say he was going to be alone in it.
4) Try to surprise him by doing things he was supposed to do, take him out, pay for his fueling, send him call card, cook for him, surprise him with gifts when he has a bad day.

  
5) Try to pray for him more often, what we don't understand is unless you don't wanna end up with that person standing another human being takes more than i love you, it takes grace, always ask God to give you the wisdom to understand who you are with.

5) Try to communicate more with him, once you realize he is slacking and its getting you angry or sad never hesitate to tell him, he is also human and does not have super powers to predict your mood, for example i watched a movie where a woman was angry with her husband because the sex wasn't as good as before, trust me the guy had no idea what he was doing wrong but he knew his wife changed, until she opened her mouth and communicated he never knew the problem was sex and guess what he worked on making the sex better.
6) Know that he also gets emotional and that your actions and silent treatments gets to him, he's a man he might not say it but they do, ask him if he's sad, if he's angry, if there's something you both should do to make the relationship more exciting.
7) Immediately you get bored don't back out, try new things that you have never tried in the relationship, plan a secret dinner for him, buy football tickets for him or his favorite sports ish, play the ps game with him, gist about other girls with him and how you see him look at them.
8) Let the relationship be about both of you and not you, him, and your friends, guys sincerely hate when they hear their relationship issues outside they prefer it's just between you both by the way it's you he is dating.
9) Try to be less paranoid,paranoia has ruined lots of  relationships, when it's all in your head that he is cheating or getting tired of the relationship.
11) Understand that he is a guy and trust me they are not as good as we females in relationships, put him through every step, sometimes they don't understand why we act the way we do, sister when you are on your period and you are not in the mood and get cranky tell him.
12) The way you want him to be your father, brother, best friend and BOO, be his mother, sister, best friend and BAE.
13) Remember that the relationship is about BOTH of you and not only you.
14) Stop nagging, major turn off for guys.
15) Chat different, your chat and calls must not always be the way it has been the regular, ''how are you?'', ''hope you have eaten?'' call and chat different.
16) Compliment him,you know the same way you like him telling you you are pretty, reciprocate the act...it helps his ego.
  

And know that this post is only for people in serious relationships and not those who are there to leave when they are tired. So ladies,I hope this made sense enough,if it didn't I'd like to hear your suggestions in the comment box.